The Greatest Cunt of them all

Reader, this is important in the name of history, in the name of science and in the name of god. I beseech you if there is to be but one of my case studies you read and take to heart let it be that of this man. For this man is to cunt, what Darwin is too bigging up monkeys. He is the Botticelli of Bastards, the Frances Drake of Fucking Dickheads. The Alpha to arse holes and the Omega of ‘Oh my God how is it possible you are such a cunt’. Ladies and Gentlemen I give you Adolf Hitler.

1) He was born.

2) The man was the worst kind of vegetarian. Now there is nothing wrong with Vegetarianism in our modern world it is rightly considered to be a perfectly viable alternative sexuality. But Adolf was the worst of this animal. He was a vegetarian who sometimes ate meat. If you’re going to live your life to a creed, any creed even if it’s based around broccoli, you should stick to it. I refuse; refuse to accept that anything less than a stringent following of a life style is acceptable. Hitler cunt.

3) The reason he so abstained was that he feared cancer. Pussy (Latin for cunt)  

4) Hitler was an ardent nonsmoker, he even promised members of his offices gold watches if they gave up smoking. This would be nice if the man did not famously horde the watches of dead Jews just like their shoes. I have incontrovertible proof that he financed this meglo-maniacal anti smoking bribery with this personal fund of dead Jew watches. To use the precious metal time keeping devices of the members of religions that trace their history back to before the rise of Rome is a cunty a thing to do. What would you say if I used the money required to print those warnings on cigarette packets with the ill gotten gains from selling the trainers of dead Hindus. Doubtless you would think me a cunt .

 5) Mein Kampf has yet to be turned into a successful film. I believe Keira Knightley would play an excellent Hitler.

6) If you like me, are a historian, you have doubtless read Mein Kampf or at least the successful comic book adaptation. In it Hitler extols the fact that from a young age his soul passion was for war. Now as we all know to make war is to essentially decide to murder another country. Now killing one person is rather bad, possibly even cunty. The intention to murder a country is very likely a trait possessed by a shit-stinking dickhead or it has popularly abbreviated: Cunt.  Other people who have advocated war include door to door salesmen, Mussolini, Skeletor, Evil Barack Obama (you can tell if it is him on the television as he is white and merely stands in the shadows to give the illusion that he is of colour)

7) He fought in WWI and personally shot Siegfreid Sassoon, the worlds first rapper in histories first drive by which led to a dramatic rise in drive by’s which has claimed the lives of countless homeboiz, brothers and many of my personal negroes.

8) He’s a bad influence just look how Germany turned out. He was only babysitting them for one term.

9) The other day I was doing field research at World War 2, something which is rather difficult as it involves time travel. Which I had to invent. Whilst observing World War 2 unfurling it occurred to me that amongst all this killing there was one man at fault. Adolf Hitler. It was due to his expansionist policy and aggressive foreign policy that that war began. His desire for “lebensraum” or if you have a less Teutonic tongue living space sent Germany grabbing country after country like a fat kid and a bag of sweets, stuffing its fascist face with other peoples land. Of course the only reason Hitler needed more living space was to accommodate that giant fleshy penis that protruded so massively from his face. Causing the most significant event in the 20^th century is a cunty thing to do, especially when it is WW2.

10) Number 10. Now if I were to create a case study of the cunt worthy things that this man has done it would be severely lacking if it were not to include the holocaust.  If I was to say this was single handedly the worst thing ever since the mass slaughter of bread using a slicing method I would not be exaggerating. Hyperbolae aside to make murder a policy and to legalise death based on anything is a cunty thing to do. The holocaust claimed the lives of Jews, Romani gypsies, the disabled, native Poles, communists and Jehovah’s witnesses (ok so it wasn’t all that bad) but to a large it was the worst thing ever. People may come up to with a smarmy face and say “Well you know Stalin actually killed more people than Hitler” and they would be right. He did. But he didn’t use factories to mass produce murder. Worse still the factories he appropriated for his scheme were formerly the factories employed in the making of chocolate biscuits, depriving the world of many tea time treats and lives.

Adolf Hitler now that guy is a cunt.

Religously Cunty

Science dear reader is a thing of beauty perfect in it's exactness. Science and the quest for understanding are the pillars on which man stands above the beasts. Stand tall shouting 'Fuck you! Your mum sucks cock for bananas you damn dirty apes!". I preface todays study with a  Laudo Scientifica because the guy who is revealed as a cunt today comes straight from the house of god, past the labia of faith, passing under the clitoris of belief and firmly up into the pantheon of cunt.

Fred Phelps.

1).  Phelps is the head of the now infamous group "God hates fags". I should begin by saying membership to let alone running any organization with the the word "hate" in the name already qualifies you as cunt. But Phelps takes his rampant hatred of the gays to such cuntimarvelously extravagant ends that it is incredible. Phelps for instance claims that the recent terrorist attacks on America and natural disaters such as Katerina are God striking out against the US for it's toleration of homosexuality. To speak for God is a cunty thing to do, to frame him for murder is a mega cuntything to do. Also Phelps' God while being a supreme bieng is also apparently shit at aiming because while trying to wipe out gay people he accidentally hit New Orleans with a tidal wave.
2). As a Scientist and prestigious award winning historian, I command a nigh on all encompassing knowledge of facts. Something that entitles me to pontificate as I see fit with an aim to bettering the world. Phelps also believes himself to command such authority, he is however mistaken. He has been on record saying that Nazi Germany was run by Jews and homosexuals. Pardon me? are we seriously to believe the Jews of Germany ran a government who slaughtered them on a mass scale, I know there is such a thing as self harm but this seems a little unbelievable to me. There is a fine line, known only to scientists, between cutting yourslef while listening to the cure and wearing eye liner and opening death camps it is a subtle diffrence but it is there. He also believes that the Jews of America support a militant homosexual agenda in the US. If Phelps is correct I urge any Jews reading this to support a militant homosexual agenda against Phelps as the man is most assuredely a cunt.
3). I could expend scroll after scroll relating evidence in support of the fact that Phelps is a cunt. But instead I shall conclude here with this. It is one thing to run a hate cult that subverts a religon based on love. God said love thy neighbour. If your neighbour happens to be the same sex as you, who is to say it is wrong to express your love with a healthy bumming or to ride their bean? It is god's will. But I digress as I said it is one thing to run a hate cult, it is quite another to endroctrinate your tiny grandchildren into it. He parades these impressionable minds as his minions of cunt. This is a cunty thing to do. Taking your grandchildren to mock the dead soldiers of a pointless war is not an appropriate day out for a minor, fork out for disney land instead you cheap cunt


In conclusion. Fred Phelps now that guy is a cunt.

Pop Cunt.

Dear Reader todays investigation takes us to the art world, with the 60's pop art icon, and cunt Andy Warhol.

1). Andy Warhol once famously said everyone would be famous for fifteen minutes, here we can see the genesis of the cult of celebrity that plagues our modern world. In this study I approached several small children, for reasons of scientific investigation of course. This doctor of true facts asked these chidlren what do you want to be when you grow up? "Famous" they replied all smiles and no sense. For why dear child said I. "Because it's good" they said "anyone can famous andy warhol said so". Corrupting the young is a cunty thing to do, it's the reason socrates was executed. If only Andy Warhol had been born Greek then maybe just maybe justice would have been done and he would have been put to death. Killed in the traditional greek manner which is roasted alive then stuffed in a pitta bread.
2).  Soup is not art. To call yourself an artist and allowing yourself to be called a genius for painting soup is the habit of a cunt, especially when you had every opportunity to go "no, no, no I'm not genius I just paint soup. Not even posh soup like minestrone just tomato soup. I'm not a genius. I just paint soup, tomato soup."
3). Andrew Warhol had the world so fooled by this genius charade that he even had david bowie fooled. The chameleon of rock and roll dedicated a song to the cunt. Turn of the century historian Hanz Badian in his now famous Stardust experiment boiled down a series of base minerals. Passing these through various forms of filtration. Badian used the data corroborated from his findings to prove conclusivley that Bowie is an angelic star child sent from heaven to bring joy to the world. To string along a man marvel such as Bowie and bring him down to the level of sycophant is a cunty thing to do when your greatest work is widely regarded as painting Marlyin Monroe pink. Andy Warhol. Cunt.
3).  The genius Warhol also directed picture films. His most famous film "sleep" was a six hour long action epic of the poet John Giorno sleeping. Does his genius know no bounds.
4). Warhol was a confessed hypocondriac sadly the one illness he failed to suspect in himself was a life threatening lack of talent.
5). Warhol died after his heart finally had enough of his cuntiness and subsequently exoloded taking out Warhol and everyone wearing a polo-kneck sweater within a two mile radius.

In Conclusion. Andy Warhol now that guy is a cunt.

Genuine proof we live in a cruel world Richard Pryor is dead, this man lives.

Dear Reader thus far in our histosological study of why guys are cunts, I have if I may allow myself a moment flattery shown restraint. Though I have dealt with and investigated some mighty cunts in the course of the study. Our lady science has not permitted to allow my personal emotions or opinions to influence nay taint my study. To put it simply I have as far as is possible when working in the field of guys who are cunts, been objective. So you’ll forgive me I’m sure if in this case study… I slip.

Martin Lawrence

1). Martin Lawrence main cuntraits seem to manifest from a criminal lack of self awareness. Like some mawkish parrot surprised at it own reflection he pecks away at the entertainment industry he infects. His arrogance for one is so cunititudiously colossal and so unsupported by any visible talent that it is truly astounding. The Historian Herodotus recorded for posterity Martin Lawrence as having said and I quote

“Nobody's ever challenged me and tapped into what I can do. I ain't played a villain which I believe I can do and do real well. There hasn't been any director who has been able to challenge me to go there. At this point in my life I've done a lot of things from stand-up to my own television show for five years to successful comedy shows, and concert films.”

One couldn’t count on the hands of Shiva the cunty thing he says here. He complains no directors ever challenged him, ok Lawrence here we go… why don’t you play Anne Frank in your next film. Go on I challenge you. Or better still I challenge you self terminate by means of eating your own face. He bemoans that he has been unable to play a villain as he thinks he could  “do real well” in a such a nefarious role.  Congratulating yourself on you’re ability to do things you have not yet done is a practice of the cunt. For instance I believe I’d be fantastic at shooting pectin out my nasal cavity. Arrogance as we have established is a cuntrait but particularly so when it extends to worshiping yourself for abilities you do not posses and feats you may or may not do. Cunt.

2). Martin Lawrence has in his role as entertainer, assumed from time to time the role of Stand Up comedian. A an ancient and much venerated profession that owes it’s origins to comic styling’s of the ancient Greek philosopher Rhapsod Comedius. Indeed Martin Lawrence’s film career too often tries to torture laughter from his audience through a grueling and harsh regime of comic disguises and shrill squallings.  The comic disguises motif of his work comes to a head in Lawrences roles in Big Momma’s House a comedy picture film that derives much of it’s humor from the fact Martin Lawrence appears dressed as a large fat woman. Hilarious. No, cunt. Merely parading around as something you are not is not in an of it’s self as hilarious as Mr. Lawrence would have us believe. The evidence of this fact lies with Martin Lawrence himself who appears to be both a comedian and an actor and has yet to successfully either joke or act. Something which if anything is not funny and extremely cunty as he receives millions for this charade.

3). Finally and most damningly cunty of all in the Bad boys picture films. Martin Lawrence the (black) actor is shot at by the kkk. The Ku Klux Klan are some of sciences greatest kunts. But the mere fact they are shooting at Martin Lawrence in the film actually made me root for them just a little bit. Making me support white supremacy movements is a cunty thing to do.

3.5) I have it on good authority that Martin Lawrence has for a long time had the cure for the AIDS virus yet withholds it for his selfish amusement. He was heard to say by the infamous historian Heroditus "Hahaha ha I withhold the cure for the aids virus for my own selfish amusement. It's tripping balls hilarious" I will not insult your intelligence with the fact that withholding the cure to terminal illnesses for your own selfish amusement is a cunty thing to do even if it is "tripping balls hilarious". Would Marie Curie have died in her pursuit to cure cancer if it tickled her to play with radiation. I say nay. Nay. And thrice nay. Martin Lawrence, what a cunt.

In Conclusion Martin Larence now that guys is a cunt.

N.B. The above arguement is based on rigorous research which almost 100% of the time is composed in the collection of actual real genuine verified true proven facts of reality that are real genuine and verified by scientists willing to prove and verify as genuine these proven genuine facts that are genuine and have been proven genuinely as facts.

Warning above facts may have been manipulated in order to appear more lucrative to my argument.  

A Paleontological Prick

Welcome Dear Reader, I would like to preface todays presentation of my findings in the field of cunt classification and identification with a brief sigh of relief; as I have in the good grace of our lady science returned with my life intact from my latest research project. For todays study is that of a deadly prehistoric predator and if I may, an utter cunt. I myself led an expedition to a little known island of the South Americas which still supports life forms otherwise extinct across the globe. It also, in my good fortune, had a rather charming beach resort but I digress. Todays cunt is:

The Velociraptor

1). The american film director Steven Spielberg in the early 1990's produced a fine documentary that explored the hunting habits of the Velociraptor and the mating ritual of the Jewish film actor Jeff Goldblum. It is a fine piece of film making and in it's defense it's portrayal of the sexual practices of Jeff Goldblum are both accurate and compelling. But if you were to watch "Jurassic Park" as Speilberg's documentary is called, one might be led to believe that the Velociraptor was a 3 meter long killing machine with knives for feet and murder on it's mind. Wicked cool aye? Indeed, I thought so to. Sadly the Velociraptor of reality is more akin to a 6 foot chicken with the temperament of an autistic rottweiler. Imagine Foghorn Leghorn crossed with rain man. Cool, I think not, cunt. Failure to live up to the outlandish fantasies of Steven Spielberg is a classic hall mark of a cunt. Having feathers too is a salient cuntrait. To be guilty of both is inexcusable, cunt.
2). The Velociraptor despite failing to live up to it's fearsome reputation in it's looks was none the less a deadly predator. The Velociraptor would have little or no qualms about eating you. Remember the last thing you enjoyed? Perhaps it was eating a fish paste sandwich, maybe it was a walk on the beach or just visiting your local amusement arcade. Picture yourself back in that moment, you are there at the amusement arcade possibly you're playing a video-game of some kind with your friend. One minute you and they are laughing about some amusing anecdote then Bam! In comes the velociraptor tearing and clawing at your chest and face in an effort to devour you. Just imagine how hard it would be to enjoy the amusing anecdote, your friends company or the video game then. Eating people, especially you, is a cunty thing to do. Velociraptor now that lizard/bird is a cunt.
3). Finally and most cuntally of all, the Velociraptor is single handedly resposible for extinction of all dinosaurs. Now it was scientifically proven by the eminent Paleontologist of the late 50's  Johann Gertzburer that the extinction of the dinosaurs chiefly came about due to a crippling lack of foot wear. Gertzburer postulated that the reason behind this lay in the fact that Dinosaurs lost out to homosapiens who had ready access to various kinds of shoe while the dionsaurs who did not were costantly plagued by treading on all kinds of sharp thorny things. But why does blame for this lack of suitable feet attire fall on the Raptor? Well to put it simply, and in the plainest terms. The Raptor comprised up to 80% of the dinosaur species and their large disembowling claw was forever ripping apart their trainers. Unable to solve this problem shoe companies simply opted to no longer produce shoes that catered to the Dinosaurs. Thus no shoes, thus extinction. All down to that cunt the Velociraptor.

In conclusion being responsible for the extinction of a totally boss sort of animal is a cunty thing to do. The Velociraptor, now that guy is a cunt

Presidentially Evil.

Welcome dear reader, today's case study takes our investigation back through time. The 1960’s saw the rise of free love, flower power and Robert Mugabe.

1). President Mugabe, as he likes to be known, (the assumption of presidential honorifics is a hallmark cuntrait of the powerful) was originally a member of Zimbabwe African National Union or ZANU. What sort of self-respecting anti-white supremacist political party goes under an acronym that sounds like the name of Alien warlord. One run by a cunt that’s what sort of anti white supremacist political party has an acronym that sounds like an alien warlord.

2). It has been said the all comparison is odious. Particularly unflattering is any comparison drawn with Hitler (scientifically proven to be histrobiologies greatest cunt). Indeed the dictator is often used as a paragon of cuntary when one seeks to point out just how cunty something is. For instance say one has just bitten into a flapjack biscuit and found it to be stale, one might declare “man this fucking flapjack biscuit is proper stale it tastes like hitler”. With this in mind, that all comparison is odious particularly that drawn with Hitler; one might suspect that surely President Mugabe would not wish to draw such a comparison between himself and the Austrian cunt.  Well suspect you might dear reader but you would be wrong. Robert Mugabe is in fact on record as having said "This Hitler has only one objective: justice for his people, sovereignty for his people, recognition of the independence of his people and their rights over their resources. If that is Hitler, then let me be a Hitler tenfold".  Now as we have established Hitler is Histrobiologically the greatest cunt ever, so if you claim to have a burning desire to be Hitler X10 you are most assuredly a cunt.  

3).  The taking of someone else’s “shit” is a cunty thing to do. Mugabe takes peoples land and homes that is some serious “shit”. What a cunt.

4). Mugabe’s Zimbabwe has the average life expectancy of the male as 37 and that of the female of the species as 34. So not only do people hate living under the cunt so much, that they choose death over aging beyond middle age. But Male’s 37, females 34 shows a shocking inequality not only does he drive his nation to death he’s also a sexist, what a cunt.      

5).  President Mugabe is very vocally anti-homosexuality.  He is markedly not homophobic he has no fear for the gays. In fact he is so unperturbed by the idea of a queer that he has made it illegal in order to use it as charge under which to imprison his predecessor Canaan Banana. Illegalizing preference and imprisoning on grounds of prejudice Mugabe? What a fag! Nay a cunt. Further more anyone, anyone with the audacity to take harmful action against a man named Canaan Banana is most scientifically a cunt.

In Conclusion Robert Mugabe, now that guy is a cunt. 

A seated satan.

Welcome reader, todays case study comes straight from the small screen in your living room, lounge or if your in the habit of designating specific rooms for activities, Television room.

Doctor Claw, now that guy is a cunt. I shall enumerate all extant evidence as to why:
1) He is so mysterious and the less I know about him the more convinced I am that that guy is a cunt.
2) The turn of century historian Hans Badian proved that inspector gadget was the axiom of cool in 1918. I have done extensive research into the cases and policing career of Inspector Gadget and this our cunt of the day has on numerous occassions tried to thwart and throw into disarray the good (if bumbling) Inspectors day to day business of keeping the peace and upholding the law. What a cunt.
3) He has a cat. What single man has a cat. What a cunt.
4) His name is Doctor Claw. He claims he is a doctor yet I ( a scientist in numerous fields) know of no higher education establishment or upstanding academy of doctorial practice that would accept such a cunt. It is not cool to claim your a doctor when hard working real doctors (such as myself) have tried so hard to get their degree. Such duplicitous and beelzebubian behaviour is the hallmark of a classic case of cunt.
5) Just look at that glove it's got spikes and everything. Is he a biker? I think not! Where is his bike? He's not even a doctor and therefore has no need for a motocycle to get to patients or studies. What a cunt.

Conclusion: "I'll get you gadget"? Really? I would like to see you try.

If you would like to see him try please see the Inspector Gadget TV documentary around the career of the good Inspector.

The First Cunt.

Welcome reader, if you are reading this you are doubtless of a scientific and inquisitive nature and are looking for the truth of and about the cunts that surround us. This is our first post so it is only fitting we should begin with the first cunt. Now I know what your thinking, the devil. Now that guy is a cunt. Well dear reader you would be wrong. The devil or lucifer (yes I know his name I am a scientist of historology and gynaecology) is a rebel with a cause making him better than James Dean who was not a cunt. Thus scientifically he cannot be a cunt. So who is the first cunt?

Cain. Now that guy is a cunt. Here is why:
1) Moonlighting. Noone likes a kiss arse. No right thinking high flying hair slicking leather jacket wearing badass likes their job. Cain had two. Not only is he in the Bible as Cain he moonlights in the Qu'ran as Kabil. Now that is cunty.
2) His actual job is a farmer who farms crops. Boring.
3) How does he relieve the tension? How does he blow of steam? Does he make himself an icetea, crack out victoria's secret, soak up some israeli sun and sow some seed on his crops? You can bet your sweet ass he doesn't! He sacrifices to god. Told you ass kisser. What a cunt.
4) And what does he sacrifice? something wicked cool, like cattle as his totally boss brother Abel does. No. The little bitch can't stump up anything better than some corn for god. God. God! The creator of the universe. The alpha and the omega of existence and what does he bring him, some pre-shredded wheat. What a cunt.
5) Now God being a reasonable fellow isn't best pleased with our cunts present and what does Cane do? Does he take it on the chin like a man? No. He kills Abel. Remember? Abel. The totally boss Abel who just moments ago was so generous with his cattle. Now that guy is a cunt.

Conclusion: In one fell swoop Cain or Kabil as he's more cuntally known has become not only histories first bitch but also histories first kiss-ass and murderer. Just look at the pictoral evidence provided see how he flees the scene of the crime. Now that guy is a cunt.